"its okay, its okay" i remember him slurring into my ear
on the other side of the door my school friends
smiling carefree, celebrating our senior year
i wasn't drunk, but i couldn't remember
...how did i end up in her bed?
his hand roaming my body, i could smell his evil
silence gripped me. fear introduced itself in proper fashion.
i was wearing one of those bras with the clasp in the front
how could i have made it so easy? i accuse myself.
i remember the heavy feel of my jeans bunched up around my ankles
my skinny frog legs hanging off the end of her bed, lifeless
my shirt cut into the back of my neck and sliced my armpits
i don't remember what shirt i was wearing
i do remember how easily he lifted the front of it
how easily it stretched over the back of my head
his fingertips were bold explorers on new territory
clumsily and hastily gobbling up the unspoiled riches
i can still feel the slime from his sweaty face against my cheek
they way he forced his tongue into my mouth
his fingers poking holes in my virginity
of course i tried to leave
tried to scream
my voice was lost in my throat
my body was limp and rubber
looking down from above, as if i was hanging from the ceiling
spiderwomen staring down at the criminal
waiting for the right moment to save the virgin
...that moment never came...
but someone did, they turned the knob
her bedroom door opened, he spooked him
he left me there naked and exposed
i pulled my shirt back down and pulled my pants up
curling up into a ball
i felt guilty
somehow i had asked for this
somehow i deserved this
i couldn't go back to her party
i ordered pizza once and requested that he deliver it
he pulled into my driveway in the little red pizza car
i watched him grab the bag and walk towards the door
a chill came over me, i was watching him secretly
i shivered when his finger reached out to push the doorbell
he didn't know it was my house...he didn't even know me
i swung open the door with a smile and pelted him with $4.75 in pennies
my outburst made me feel human as i slammed the door
my 'hot and fast' pizza in hand
