silent noise destroys

i lost you out there in this world of noise,
our love, our silence...deafening and cheap.
cold nights i lay alone and wish to feel warm.
i wake with the sun...nightmares in a bed of one.

all the words floating around me, yet i have no voice.
thoughts comprising a trivial tug of war; pride winning.
coil a rope around my heart and any thought of optimism,
while it's anchored in merciless, murderous quicksand.

promises have become our new currency, some were wasted.
just a stupid girl dreaming of one lasting second chance.
your heart, a home for my heart to live in for eternity,
is now a mirage on my horizon i'm barely able to believe in.

waited until the sun downed and the stars rose for an echo.
the sound of your heart, a glorious beat my ears feared lost.
days passed and i didn't hear the return of its sacred rhythm.
i packed up my heart and soul 'cause i was too easy to let go.

it may have taken too long...

the snow on my apartment doorstep
sparkles with imprints from your boots.
i can still hear words falling from lips,
feel your wool coat against my skin,
smell your morning hair and winter.
now your heart truly feels its loss?
feeling empty, you're moved to action?
confused and lost in your word labyrinth.
your gone now and i taste bile and salt.
trembling with decisions i cannot make.
struggling with a cold, stubborn heart
muscle made weak by love turned to stone.
are you able to build anew from stone dust?
what about leftover painful memories?
exactly how do you move forward with a scar?
you promised to always love me and keep me safe
only keeping one of those promises doesn't work.

lilliputian

i let him make me feel:
too responsible.
too strong.
too weak.
too slow.
too regimented.
too driven.
too emotional...

...FUCK I AM ALIVE!

of course i am all these things!

i am a slow moving, old fashioned,
traditional female that is living
in a hyper-speed, overkill world.
i am a nervous little frame of a girl
trying to navigate alongside HUGE things...